 |
| Only Allah knows what Buddha has got to do with Christmas! |
Back from the sales it took ages to cram all the lovely celebrity endorsed merchandise through the narrow Narrowboat doors. Brainwashed by impressive marketing campaigns on Dave and Spike with once in a lifetime tempting half price triple discount deals down the shops with an easy 'i' swipe payment platform and nothing to 'i' pay EVER!
It was far too unbelievably irresistible to resist the final bargains.
Unpacking all the 'can't live without' items including a 'must have' battery operated squid, an Adult playboy colouring book with pop out features, several jars of original Old Spice foot balm and a large tube of bohemian beard oil to stabilise growth, enhance and nourish all types of facial hair, the excitement was almost too much.
Basically, a new me was about to emerge with the dawn of the New Year but this mind and body revolution could not have been realised without the purchase of Psychic Skinny Pete's new best seller, an idiots guide to cooking and eating a gluten free hunger strike diet of cous cous, coconut and coriander smoothies 3 times a week to enable the reader to continue to lie on the settee and still shift all the blubber off your flabby bingo wings without having to lift a painted fingernail, saving the time and effort required before preparing a balanced diet and messing about doing regular exercise!
How on earth did life continue without before this enlightenment?
Maybe you shouldn't leave out the exercise?
Maybe half an hour pumping and writhing about in front of Kanye Kardashian's 3 minute belly blitz video will kickstart the New Year's wellness and clean living regime before utilising the benefits of the new organically bespoke Dyson celery spiraliser with an integrated Star Wars BB8 droid attachment for trimming unwanted nasal hair should be the order of the day now?
As we reach saturation point, the last dregs of Aldi's finest Prossecco gets poured down the plug hole and the stinking Stilton that no one ate gets lobbed in the canal, there is just time to get online to check how much money has emptied out the bank and put the last bid on eBay for a combined hover-stroke-ironing board with free shipping from China.
If only there was enough left for a boarding card?
I think a holiday is required!
Where exactly is Copa Cabana?
This latest post blog title was inspired today by the late Ian Dury from the album 'New boots and panties'......probably picked them up in the
January sales!
January sales!
No comments:
Post a Comment