Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown!
Around you have grown!
Being a boater it's important to be able to stand at the tiller for long hours and stay alert to the requirement to have to step on and off at a moments notice when a canal side pub is sighted.
So, a healthy mind and body is crucial for an accomplished helms-person in 2016.
Following the Xmas binge that started mid October, it makes sense to make amends going into the New Year.
If only there was a new hardback publication available online to give guidance on what to do if you feel you want to shift the lumps from the blocked aorta and achieve an eternal BMI that would give the reader a base line balanced bottom to die for!
Amazingly there IS one or two to choose from!
From these scientifically proven resources it would appear that fry ups and egg banjo's are old hat and have been banned as they contain saturated polyunsaturates that can indeed block your tubes, cause palpitations and give you excessive embarrassing wind.
This year, in order to be able to moor up perfectly, you really need to improve your metabolic heart rate by reverting to a 5 a day, vitamin rich, diet of moolie, kumquat and parsnip smoothies containing life saving antioxidants to encourage weight loss through osmosis and give you an overall and more publicly acceptable fake tanned enhanced appearance.
Then, by altering mealtimes to having breakfast at teatime, then setting the alarm to have your lunch and dinner together at 3am, will encourage enzymes in the good bacteria to multiply, giving a boost to your free radicals to burn off the excess plaque from your fat balls thus avoiding acute obesity in the twilight years.
From now on, daily protein shakes of the new improved Yakult muscle strengthener with added vitamin P instead of builders tea will replace your chlorophyll overnight and will go a long way to enhance and improve poor eyesight to enable all to spot awkwardly placed water points a bit easier along the towpath, even in the rain!
Combine this with two high tempo Zumba sessions and a strenuous spin class and it could be possible to sail all the way to Lancaster with only one short stop at Bridge 90 for a lite camomile and juniper herbal infusion.
Apparently, going forward, the body can no longer cope with reheated lamb bhoona's, BBQ'd pulled pork or Hollands steak puddings.
By the end of the week there is rumour that alarming news could break following NHS insider warnings that drinking pints of real ale could lead to excessive amounts of unwanted urine and may go on to cause bouts of kebab worship followed by insomnia.....so go out and panic buy celery to cut down those calories and combat this evil as the times are definitely a changing!
Time to empty the bog, eh?
Another obvious blog title track, The Times They are a Changin', from 1964 by Robert Allen Zimmerman no less.
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